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| Image | Joke or Saying |
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Work/Office
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Nothing's impossible
for those who don't have to do it.
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General
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What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?
A nun only serves one God.
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Computer Stuff
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When you get to the point where you really
understand your computer,
it's probably obsolete.
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Computer Stuff
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It says: 'Directory does not exist.'
It means: '...any more. Oops.'
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Computer Stuff
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Obsolete --
Any computer you own.
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General
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Fighting for peace
is like screwing for virginity.
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General
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Accept that some days you're the pigeon
and some days you're the statue.
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General
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Some people are like pins.
Useless when they lose their heads.
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General
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I can please only one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow's not looking good either.
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General
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My life has a superb cast,
but I can't figure out the plot.
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Work/Office
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Portable Computer --
A device invented to force business people
to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.
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General
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Some people practice what they preach,
others just practice preaching.
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General
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A preacher dies and when he gets to heaven he sees a New York
cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel,
'I don't get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation.'
The Angel says, 'We reward results. Did your congregation always
pay attention when you gave a sermon?'
The preacher says, 'Once in awhile someone fell asleep.'
The Angel says, 'Right. And when people rode in this guy's taxi,
they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed.'
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General
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Pride is what we have.
Vanity is what others have.
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Work/Office
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According to my calculations,
the problem doesn't exist.
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Computer Stuff
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Profanity --
the universal programming language.
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General
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Some people are like wheelbarrows, trailers or canoes.
They need to be pushed, pulled or paddled.
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General
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I get enough exercise
just pushing my luck.
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Computer Stuff
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It says: 'Not enough memory'
It means: 'I don't CARE if you've got 128MB of RAM.
I want to use the bit below 640K.'
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Computer Stuff
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A computer program will aways do what you tell it to do,
but rarely what you want to do.
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