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Jokes and Humor

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ImageJoke or Saying
General All objects in the world can be placed into one of two categories:
-- things that need to be fixed,
-- things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
General I intend to live forever -
so far, so good.
General Some people are funny.
They spend money they don't have,
to buy things they don't need,
to impress people they don't like.
General People are more violently opposed to fur
than to leather
because it's safer to harass rich women
than motorcycle gangs.
General Experience is something you do not get
until just after you need it.
General Give me ambiguity
or give me something else.
Computer Stuff It said, 'Insert Disk #3',
but only two will fit!
Computer Stuff Maintenance Free --
When it breaks it can't be fixed.
Computer Stuff Windows --
just another pane in the glass.
General Laughing stock --
Cattle with a sense of humor.
God Speaks Let's meet at my house Sunday
before the game.
God Speaks What part of
'Thou Shalt Not...'
didn't you understand?
God Speaks We need to talk.
God Speaks C'mon over
and bring the kids.
God Speaks Keep using my name in vain,
I'll make rush hour longer.
God Speaks Loved the wedding,
invite me to the marriage.
God Speaks That 'Love Thy Neighbor' thing...
I meant it.
God Speaks I love you,
and you, and you, and you, and ...
God Speaks Will the road you're on
get you to my place?
God Speaks Follow me.















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